Independently Dependent

I was doing so well just now; actually reading for MMW and LTWL... not due till Wednesday of course, even better. It's only Monday.

... and then I was disturbed by a thought, a feeling, a mere sudden jolt of emotional realization.

In theory I would consider myself an emotionally independent person. At least I was before, at the moment it doesn't feel so. I'm alone in my room right now, a room which I have to share with two other people. Kind of a first, kind of nice. Then again, I find myself being a bit of a recluse for not socializing outside. But honestly, as honest as I can ever put it... I don't care much to interact any longer. There are people you "know" you're going to spend the rest of your life with. Your true love, your best friends, recurring acquaintances, your parents... yeah. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't feel putting any more effort than I have to... or than I "want" to in things that I don't find worthwhile. Among them would be vapid interactions that mean no more than superficial exchanges of "oh-yeah-how-cute-i-know-rights" and overall meaningless sharing of existence. A little harsh? Sure. Why bother with formalities here though? There's nothing nice about the situation in particular; there's nothing kind about the truth. There's also nothing brutal about it, it is what it is. I no longer feel that I have to try and interact with the people I live closely around any longer. Primarily for the reason that this person has in some unspoken method has chosen to drift away from me. The reason? I don't really know. Let's be blunt here, I harness no unattractive qualities when it comes to common mannerisms, consideration, and kindness. Then again, all of that is relative I suppose when assumptions become the basis of one's perception. Another thing is the hint of the "superiority factor". All in all it's just annoying. People should get over themselves. Sigh. Another excuse for me to become noncholant and well... a bitch. Sometimes it's just asked of me.

Well, I went on a tangent there...

I find myself becoming more and more emotionally dependent lately. At times I find myself just accepting it; I'm human after all. At other times I find myself worrying... in ultimate truth you and I, he and she are alone. Hmmm I don't like it.

Reluctant Hello(s)

I hate reluctant "hello"(s); they're awkward. I just experienced one today. Of course, I waved and said hi back... I just hope there was no one behind me. Actually, that brings me a "sort of" point. Why exactly are people reluctant to say hi to someone they've just met the day before or someone they see regularly in class? I don't know. Sure, they don't want to feel rejected because there's always that possibility that hangs when the recepient of your kind hello decides to be an asshole and pretends not to notice or awkwardly says hi back either because they think they're too cool for you or they're just dumb. Well, no let's be honest here... no one wants to feel stupid. Yes, I just felt stupid. It's been about 30 minutes ago exactly I believe. I walked into Cafe Ventanas for a drink. Simply just a drink. Of course, me being me, it's never just that. It can never just be about getting "just" a drink. I always have to run in to an awkward acquaintance, some socially awkward person that I've vaguely made friends with, someone too shy to say hi for me (therefore instigating an awkward exchange of hello's), etc. Seriously, there's nothing wrong with this, there's nothing absurd or special about this; it happens to everyone routinely. I'm sure of it. The only thing is... I guess I give off this false sense of confidence to others... it's an especially popular thought shared among kids I've met in one of those "hipster" classes like "History of Film" for example where our first conversation was sparked, usually, by an obscure band or indie film... anyway, back on point. I give off this false sense of confidence to others that somehow radiates, "Hey, I spoke to you, however I'm too cool for you; therefore only greet me with awkward hello's whenever I see you out in public". Yeah, terrif. Sometimes I wish that I didn't come off as cold, snobby, or whatever it is. I hate life. I realize that this blog sounds a lot like me selling myself with hyperbolic anecdotes; well, let's be honest here... I sound full of myself. So full, in fact so full that it's obese. I just felt like making it known that yes, I'm human too. I deserve warm hello's, not awkward ones. Yeah, it's also a really sloppy blog, poor on the grammar end, sucks on structure, definitely lacking on both diction and syntax... perhaps lacking a little on direction?

On another note I guess, I just feel like sharing my class schedule for Spring Quarter. Just because it's fabulous. No, because it took me 3 hours to figure out. haha
Well here it is:

Monday:
-LTFR2A (Intermediate French Lit) 10AM-10:50AM
-LTWL19C (Literatures of the World, Greek and Roman Myth) 2PM-2:50PM
-MMW3 (Making of the Modern World, Medieval Ages) 3PM-3:50PM

Tuesday:
-LTFR2A Section 10AM-10:50AM
-LTEU110(European Romanticism) 12:30PM-1:50PM

Wednesday:
-same as monday
-plus MMW3 Discussion 4PM-4:50PM

Thursday:
-LTEU110

Friday:
-exactly the same as Wednesday