Momentum

SIGH

Writer's block. To the extreme.

I haven't been able to write much lately. Just the other day, it took me 12 hours to compose a 4 page paper. I suppose it was because I had too much to say about the topic at hand; overwhelmed much? Yeah, that was the feeling.

Anyway, today I am forcing myself. I've always been so against forced, puked-out writing... but I have no choice. I feel like a little piece of myself is somehow disappearing, fading away, melting like ice that's never to become solid in the same way again.

So here's what I have to say...

I listened to this song today, and I've listened to many songs, and it changed my life. Maybe not my life, I always seem to end up saying that when something great comes along. But yeah, anything that has the ability to strike an eerie feeling inside me... or any sign of emotion at all is a good one. Whatever good maybe... but I'll get to my perception of that later. Anyway, rather than ranting about it... I think if you're reading this post, you should give it a listen and form any inhibitions for yourself.

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Binary Opposition. I finally found out the proper title for my perception of the world. I hate titles. I guess my perception of the world is slightly shattered now. I despise humanity for having to put titles on everything... then again, it just loops back to how I see the world.
Contrast, without contrast nothing would be in existence. What if the whole world was dubbed as "white". Just white. What would everything else be referred to? White. So what's the point? There would be no sense of communication, no such thing as the concept of "different", no sense of identity, just a false existence surrounded by dullness and lack of everything else aside from this idea of "white". Try imagining the world without contrast... you can't. I know you'd be lying if you said "Oh, yeah. It's possible. I see it in my head as I speak." To think at all requires some sort of contrast. Think right now, how do you know you "are" thinking... you'd have to know the meaning of what not thinking is... and how else would you know this? Contrast. There are only two things that can exist at this point, if you've gotten this far. You're either thinking or you're not. To know at all requires some sort of contrast. You can you say that you are indeed thinking because you know that you are not not thinking. Hmmm a bit of a confusion. Anyway, let's leave it at that.

So tonight I defended American Apparel against a very mislead individual, apparently lost and on the beaten path... Let's not mention names here, I live with this person.

What's so great about American Apparel? Yeah, it's over-priced basics that come in a plathora of shades. From dull grays to adventurous neons... Anywho, let me avoid going crazy expressing my love for American Apparel. The truth is, it's simple. It's not just the same basics you can get anywhere else, it's an overwhelming amount of cuts, variety, style... which force you to find your own niche. It's a blank canvas that enables the most bland individual to spark a newfound creativity within themselves. Fashion versus style. What is it? I see fashion as a constrained, controlled, diluted version of personal style. Style exists in all of us. That's the beauty of it. What's a couture gown without presentation? Minus the hair, the make-up, what is left? An extravagant creation. What's a simple American Apparel dress without presentation? A blank canvas. I think that's what I like so much about American Apparel... it strips down the superficiality that accompanies the world of fashion. Fashion is either in or out. Style isn't. It's always there. Permanent and true, just like the simplicity of American Apparel... the simplicity of being simple, being "you". So dare you ask again? I'd indulge over and over again to invest in expressing myself. I know, a bit set on stone... conflicting with the rules of style, but then again there are no rules...

Like I Said, Enough Said.

I...

"Always do what you are afraid to do."

I woke up early today. It was the most dreadful thing I've had to do in a while, no time wasn't the issue. Fear more like. I had this agenda to speak with my somewhat estranged aunt today about a very important matter. Seriously, I avoided this for about an hour. I ridiculously held on to the phone and stared at it looking defeated. I couldn't do it, I just couldn't. I thought I knew her answer already, I thought she'd be the big B that she was... but somewhere in there like the Grinch who stole Christmas, I guess she had a heart.


... hmm, I guess somebody knew what they were talking about.




Thanks Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Peace is Expensive

... and humanity is cheap.

we sure are cute for two ugly people...

... I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else,

but you...

Comfortable Silence; ""... i can't be myself, i can't be myself and i don't wanna talk"

... awkward silences define my life.

So two people in a room, exactly alike, face each other... what you usually get is silence. Is this right? I like to think so. The two of them should just nod their head as a sign of agreement and that should be enough. Isn't that the best sort of conversation? The ones we never really had? The ones we imagine in our heads to have occured but hasn't really happened? Yeah, those are the most powerful.

Silence lingers in the air, unsaid thoughts intertwine one another, colliding without a sound... you smile, she smiles, I smile. Audible words are seemingly difficult to find.

You can't truly confirm that you "know" a person unless you've shared an awkward silence together and found it refreshing. I find every awkward silence refreshing, it's not at all awkward. It solidifies my belief in everything happening for a reason.

Conundrum.

Damn, Elliot Smith's "Needle in the Hay" just came on. Damn good song.
It would make the best soundtrack to an awkward silence.
Next time I'll have this playing in the background when we have another silent conversation.