I Exist. Again.

I've been trying to re-organize my life, myself lately. It's a tedious process. It's like a mutated jigsaw puzzle that somehow cloned itself, so now there's double the number of pieces that you have to put together.  There are pieces that fit without much thought and then there are others that you spend a lifetime thinking about and in the end you only figure it out because everything else fits and there's nothing left. Does that make sense?

I'm taking two Visual Arts classes this quarter. It's refreshing. I'm finally doing something that I love, something my subconciousness gets excited about without effort. 

There have been a lot of changes with my life. People have come in and out, but this time around it seems to be more defining. The odd thing is, I seem to be ok with everything that's taking place. Good, bad, in between. Maybe I've just become bitter and apathetic to the point that I have this mentality of "oh, well you and you are replaceable. always." I guess if you think about it, sometimes people really are replaceable, no matter what. Sometimes even your parents are. Although, I certainly don't feel that way about my parents. I can't imagine two better people in the world to love me unconditionally. 

I was talking to an old friend a couple days ago. He said that I've changed since high school. I kind of laughed a little; I don't feel like I've changed at all. The experiences I've chosen to have are different, that's for sure, but I think that's only become the case because so many opportunities are much more accessible now. 

I can't decide whether I'm happy or not at this point of my life. I can only say that I'm satisfied and that I seem to be at a stable place. I wake up each day and think with the same sort of mentality I had back when I was a freshman in high school. I was that person who woke up at 5:30 in the morning everyday, no matter what. I had to take my morning shower, put on my make up, put together a cute outfit, have my morning coffee, watch VH1's Nocturnal for my daily music fix, and get to school super early to converse with friends. Wow, I sound like a total social-concious bimbo. But no, that wasn't it. Doing these things, the tedious daily routine... it made me feel good. I'm starting to do that again. 

As far as relationships go. I feel others have gotten stronger, while others I'm starting to realize simply exist as a malignant tumor that must be cut off. I've certainly gotten into the phase of "simplicity". I find myself only buying black and white clothing now. My sheets are two-toned; an off-shade of white and black. My hair is now too short to even keep away from my face. My taste is reverting back into simplicity. I kind of like it. I feel like Picasso and his primitivism movement and that whole Cubism style inspired by African masks. 

Gah!! Homework time :)