Independently Dependent

I was doing so well just now; actually reading for MMW and LTWL... not due till Wednesday of course, even better. It's only Monday.

... and then I was disturbed by a thought, a feeling, a mere sudden jolt of emotional realization.

In theory I would consider myself an emotionally independent person. At least I was before, at the moment it doesn't feel so. I'm alone in my room right now, a room which I have to share with two other people. Kind of a first, kind of nice. Then again, I find myself being a bit of a recluse for not socializing outside. But honestly, as honest as I can ever put it... I don't care much to interact any longer. There are people you "know" you're going to spend the rest of your life with. Your true love, your best friends, recurring acquaintances, your parents... yeah. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't feel putting any more effort than I have to... or than I "want" to in things that I don't find worthwhile. Among them would be vapid interactions that mean no more than superficial exchanges of "oh-yeah-how-cute-i-know-rights" and overall meaningless sharing of existence. A little harsh? Sure. Why bother with formalities here though? There's nothing nice about the situation in particular; there's nothing kind about the truth. There's also nothing brutal about it, it is what it is. I no longer feel that I have to try and interact with the people I live closely around any longer. Primarily for the reason that this person has in some unspoken method has chosen to drift away from me. The reason? I don't really know. Let's be blunt here, I harness no unattractive qualities when it comes to common mannerisms, consideration, and kindness. Then again, all of that is relative I suppose when assumptions become the basis of one's perception. Another thing is the hint of the "superiority factor". All in all it's just annoying. People should get over themselves. Sigh. Another excuse for me to become noncholant and well... a bitch. Sometimes it's just asked of me.

Well, I went on a tangent there...

I find myself becoming more and more emotionally dependent lately. At times I find myself just accepting it; I'm human after all. At other times I find myself worrying... in ultimate truth you and I, he and she are alone. Hmmm I don't like it.